“Maowage is the bond that bwings us togetha today,” said the priest in the movie The Princess Bride. Marriage, in my opinion, can be defined only as the sacred bond between a man and a woman. In the Bible, it is plain to see that marriage is not only meant to bring man and woman together and complete them, it is also a symbol of the loving relationship between Christ and His bride, the Church. Marriage is definitely sacred, but that does not mean that it should be treated as something strictly defined.

For instance, one of the fairly recent phenomena of our age is the degradation of marriage. This is due to many things - like the sexual revolution of the 1960’s and 70’s and the media’s constant devaluing comments - but is in large part due to society’s view that marriage is dull, unexciting, and monotonous. And perhaps it is all those things, but not so much due to Christianity or the Church.

Remarkably, the Bible gives very few, vague references to what marriage should look like. Jesus commands once that husbands should love their wives, and that wives should submit to their husbands. Another instance, Jesus says that husbands should give themselves up for their wives and that wives should give their husbands the leadership of the relationship. The Bible leaves a huge hole where one might expect to find the guidelines for marriage. That leads me to believe that marriage, as long as it fits into the loose frame the Bible gives, can be defined however couples want it to be. Get married at any age that seems right, use birth control, have any kind of consensual sex, have any amount of children you collectively want to raise, adopt children, get tattoos of each other’s names on your backs, elope, get married in space, go to nightclubs together, drink alcoholic beverages, get matching eyebrow rings, stay up late watching movies, text message each other constantly, go on extravagant and romantic dates - all of these things should be left up to each individual married couple to decide as right or wrong for them.

After all, what place in the Bible could a fellow believer point to and say “It says right here that you should not do this, so you shouldn’t do it”?

Marriage is a blank slate, and I believe it is part of the excitement that God wants each married couple to experience to define their marriage however they want. They should not feel that they have to live out their married lives exactly how their parents did or how their married friends do or how their mentors do.

I believe that if everyone had this open-yet-Biblically-minded view of marriage, this special bond would not be held in such low societal regard today.

Christian View on Dating

“Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things,” the Apostle Paul wrote in I Corinthians 13:7-8a. This statement about love is true for dating as well as any lasting, monogamous relationship. Dating is only the pathway to a lasting, monogamous relationship, it is not that deeper kind of companionship yet. I consider dating to be a relationship between two individuals who feel some kind of affection toward each other. In relation to human sexuality, certain things lead people toward that ultimate end goal of sex - these can be things like holding hands, kissing, touching, etc. Honestly, all things in romantic, opposite-sex relationships have to do with the ultimate pinnacle of the relationship - being sex. Holding hands for the first time gives couples a rush because it ignites sexual excitement and is the closest they’ve ever been to having sex. The same goes for kissing, touching, cuddling, and whatever else your mind can conjure leading towards sex. But why is this a bad thing, especially if everyone desires an intimate, sexual relationship? It is bad because intimate relationships can easily get confused with sexual relationships this way. This is why dating relationships must be taken slowly. If the climax (sex) of the relationship comes too quickly, it quickly turns into an association based on sex. There’s a contextual difference between relationships that are based on intimacy and ones that are based on sex. Relationships based on sex usually arrive at the decision to sleep together early on, while those based on intimacy take longer as it takes time for couples to build up a strong foundation and companionship to their relationship. One thing the writers of the gospels and the New Testament made certain of was to teach that sex does not equal love. One of the greatest descriptions of this comes from Author and Pastor Joshua Harris in his book Boy Meets Girl: “People do not fall in love, rather they grow into love.”

Christians should be mindful of these things when going into dating relationships. They need to remember that sex was meant for a much higher purpose than gratification or to try something new. I also think that Christians should not merely be taught to abstain from sex until in a lasting, committed, marital relationship; Christians also need to know why they are being taught to abstain. In my opinion the reason that many young Christians eventually falter and have premarital sex is because they do not have a solid foundation for their belief in abstinence.

The Greek word used for love in 1 Corinthians 13 is “agape,” which is a general but genuine love for others. Christians are called in this passage to love everyone in the world by showing the fruits of the Spirit. This includes dating relationships. The love in dating is “agape” - it is about getting to know the goods and bads of a person, and accepting them as they are. The next step is deep affection - that desire that makes one’s heart ache for that special person. Then, finally, that last step is intimacy (which is still not a synonym for sex). Dating, in my opinion, only covers the first two kinds of love. When both individuals begin feeling non-sexual intimate feelings toward each other, it is time to get engaged, and soon after that to get married.

Scenarios for Girls

Now let me present a few scenarios for the gals:

Imagine - you're on your laptop computer one afternoon after work or school, you're the only one home at the time. You're on the clothing store H&M's website, browsing for clothes out of boredom. Maybe it's simply a default boredom act, or maybe your a frequent online clothes shopper. Either way, you are used to clicking the tiny box with the "x" inside at the top corner of the screen whenever an annoying pop-up rears its ugly head.

But all of a sudden you are hit with one you've never seen before. The mere sight of it shocks you, disgusts you, panics you, horrifies you. But amid all those feelings, it does one more number inside you. It hooks you.

You see the full anatomy of a woman, apparently experiencing great pleasure, and also the entire visual anatomy of a man in a rather uncomfortable or unnatural position, with the unforgettable phrase "boy toy" written somewhere near his midsection. It turns you on, makes you feel good, makes you feel a sense of sexual power you've never felt before. But you click out of it a second later, too afraid of whatever comes from staring at it too long.

No that it's off, though, you are suddenly disinterested in looking at clothes. The images are stuck in your mind, and they are unwilling to leave any time soon.

So what do you do?

A. Go back to clothes shopping and pretend you are still interested in them

B. Close your laptop, and then go for a refreshing jog

C. Type in that unforgettable phrase into a search engine and see what happens.

Here's another scenario for the girls:

Imagine - you are sitting at a table in a small restaurant, filling out an application with hopes to be accepted for a position to work there soon. The job is barely above minimum wage, but you can't really find a job anywhere else that pays better - at least not a job that you think you can actually get.

As you glance up, you notice a man a few tables over staring at you, not in a creepy way but instead in an admiring way. Still, he makes you feel awkward, but you continue on with your application anyway. A few minutes later, the man finishes his meal, gets up, and walks over to you, standing above you with a warm smile.

"Hello," he says, seeming nice enough. "Look, I know this might sound strange, but I'm a photographer for a teen lingerie magazine - sort of like Teen Maxim. And I don't mean to sound presumptuous, but you're a very beautiful girl, and we're always looking for new talent." He flips out his business card, placing it on her table. "If you're interested give me a call. I promise you we'd take everything slow and you wouldn't have to do anything you didn't feel comfortable with. Just, if you're interested, call me. you can even come visit the studio if you want, just to see how things work. I can promise you this, though - we'd treat you a whole lot better than this place, financially speaking. Anyways, think about it."

He walks away, leaving you wondering what in the world to make of his words. You almost ponder where he was even talking to you, or if you have just had a daydream. Through all those thoughts, you can't help but feel flattered. And, of course, your mind can only imagine how much more money you could be making working for that kindly man. Yet, imagining taking off your clothes for strangers makes you feel undeniably uncomfortable.

So what do you do?

A. Return to your application, and forget that man altogether

B. Leave the restaurant and look for a higher paying job

C. Stare a long while at the man's business card before dialing his number.

If you are a girl, what would you do?

Scenarios

Let me present a scenario for the guys:

Imagine - you're sitting on the couch with your girlfriend or wife, watching a movie at night. It's late, long past the time when good things can still happen. All the lamps are turned off, the only light in the room is the cold glow of the television, illumination the room with a thin layer of definition. Shadows dance on the walls as the screen flashes. The lovely girl next to you is lying on your arm, softly breathing as you gently scratch her back.

But as you look down, you realize she is asleep. And your heart slightly sinks. Her sleeping is a sharp reminder that you will not be getting your sexual fix any time soon. And even if she was awake, she probably would not be in the mood, she'd probaby be tired, she'd probably not want to do it tonight anyway. And even if you did manage to convince her to fool around with you, the sex would be dull, unexciting, and would surely not feel intimate or romantic.

So what do you do?

A. Let her sleep and enjoy the movie.

B. Wake her up and remind her that you have needs (and probably piss her off)

C. Find an easier and quicker outlet for your sexual pleasure

Let me present another scenario:

Imagine - you're sitting in the living room of your house, watching television late at night. All the rest of your family has gone to bed, but you sit awake, vigilantly watching the late show. As it draws to an end, you flip the around, looking for a new show to watch, coming across some kind of softcore show featuring attractive women who are willing to fornicate with each other in front of the cameras. It looks enticing in a kinky kind of way (plus you might be wondering how women even do it with each other anyway), so you switch the channel to that station.

What you see there is sexy, to say the least. The girls are slim, perfect-bodied little things. Your heartbeat quickens, your breathing gets deeper, a sensation sweeps inside you that you can't quite explain other than that you like it. You feel like you're being transported into another world, a much better and more exciting world than the one you are in now.

But then the show ends, and you're left watching some workout infomercial that does not turn you on nearly as much as the previous program. The sensation you feel is not gone, it did not end with the show.

So what do you do?

A. Shake it off, wait out the sensation, then go to bed

B. Go eat, or try watching a movie, or maybe watch the late late show

C. go to your computer, where you know you can find stuff way hotter than the stuff on TV.

What would be anyone's first and only natural response to these situations?

Porn Cannot be Ignored

Some thoughts about big issues. These issues cannot be ignored or set aside as unimportant. Really, we can consider it one single issue, though it can be separated into many parts. This single issue is huge. Bigger than anyone thinks. Few can fathom its reach. But surprisingly it is silent. It's like the cold night on which the American Revolution began so long ago. Nobody wanted to be the first to pull the trigger.

Similarly, no one wants to be the first to talk about porn. Luckily, though, people are starting to speak out, starting to make confessions on how porn ultimately ruined their life. A few are brave enough to step out and start the Revolution. 

It is true that a war is being waged. Mostly in private and only among adults, but still it is a war. And like all wars there are casualties. Those are the people who have been open enough to speak about their problem with porn, and how they see it as a problem for everyone. 

Also like any other war ever fought, it has found its way to the children. And not just the children of those who live in trailers and ghettos. Your children. My children. All children have incredibly easy access to porn. And that is a problem, without a doubt.

An enormous empire looms over a few cold, shivering minutemen - revolutionaries passionate about gaining freedom for all. This empire will never stop growing though; it will not stop growing and expanding, even when every man, woman and child in the world has seen its product.

This war will not be fought on foreign soil, like many of the wars fought within our lifetimes. This war will be fought in our land and in our homes - so similar to the clash that ultimately freed the American nation from the clutches of the British empire. However, this war does not yield mass deaths like other wars, unless you are going to count the number of lives completely wasted in pursuit of an unattainable satisfaction. If you were to count those, the number is extraordinary.

This war has long been overly easy for the vast, dark, neon framed empire that looms above everyone, waiting to be revealed before a new set of eyes. Long has this empire been granted free reign, as the silence of its opponents has been one of its greatest aids. Long has this empire remained morally unchecked and ethically unchallenged, at least in the eyes and minds of most.

It's time for us few insane, bold revolutionaries to upset the system that this empire has set up, tear down the towers of pseudo-authenticity it has constructed, and educate the people on the difference between what is real and what is fantasy. There will always be a choice, but there is no true freedom when engulfed in the empire of porn. There's no escaping it. But perhaps... there might be.

We revolutionaries want to help however we can. So we do. Let's dive into the reality of porn...

Welcome

Welcome to SexHungry - where I write my thoughts about human sexuality, Porn, dating, and what it means to be human.

We are all sex hungry, aren't we? Humans are one of the most sexual creatures on the planet. We are the only mammals that have sex face to face. We are the only creatures with the distinct and definite ability and yearning to hold monogamous relationships.

So that means we are more than sex hungry, right? Yes, we must be. Humans are relational creatures. That should be undisputed among thinking people. It is our nature to want friends, significant others, and ultimately partners (mates). It is also in our nature to love, and be loved; to care for others, and want to be cared for; to desire someone sexually, and be sexually desired; to hold hands - symbolizing equal affection and desire for one another.

We all long for that, don't we? Yes, we do! But a new idea has emerged and has been growing since the sexual revolution of the 1960's and 70's. That is the idea of porn - the place where sex is always easy and exciting. In fact, many men and women today would say that it is far easier and more exciting than real sex. Some people even take porn into their sex lives, which is a profound insult to the person who sleeps with the user.

I want to talk about love, and about how sex and love are two different things. That is, sex is only a part of love. There are obviously stages to love. First, there is friendship. Then, there is acceptance of the goods and bads of that friend. Then there is companionship. Then, there is intimacy (which is still not a synonym of sex). Sex is the climax of a loving relationship. It is the highest expression of love that two people can show each other.

Sexual needs can be used positively, poured solely into a single other person. Or, they can be dispersed to be gratified by two people, multiple people, or even a flurry of new people for each new sexual urge. This is what porn offers - a way to gratify a person's sexual needs without really fulfilling their desire to love or be loved. This is why porn always leaves people feeling empty.

The excitement and pleasure of porn is short-lived, but the security, delight and passion of a real, committed, romantic, loving relationship far surpasses the temporary high that porn gives.

I want to talk about love some more, and about hope, freedom, and the limitless human sexual expression within a real, committed, loving relationship.