“Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things,” the Apostle Paul wrote in I Corinthians 13:7-8a. This statement about love is true for dating as well as any lasting, monogamous relationship. Dating is only the pathway to a lasting, monogamous relationship, it is not that deeper kind of companionship yet. I consider dating to be a relationship between two individuals who feel some kind of affection toward each other. In relation to human sexuality, certain things lead people toward that ultimate end goal of sex - these can be things like holding hands, kissing, touching, etc. Honestly, all things in romantic, opposite-sex relationships have to do with the ultimate pinnacle of the relationship - being sex. Holding hands for the first time gives couples a rush because it ignites sexual excitement and is the closest they’ve ever been to having sex. The same goes for kissing, touching, cuddling, and whatever else your mind can conjure leading towards sex. But why is this a bad thing, especially if everyone desires an intimate, sexual relationship? It is bad because intimate relationships can easily get confused with sexual relationships this way. This is why dating relationships must be taken slowly. If the climax (sex) of the relationship comes too quickly, it quickly turns into an association based on sex. There’s a contextual difference between relationships that are based on intimacy and ones that are based on sex. Relationships based on sex usually arrive at the decision to sleep together early on, while those based on intimacy take longer as it takes time for couples to build up a strong foundation and companionship to their relationship. One thing the writers of the gospels and the New Testament made certain of was to teach that sex does not equal love. One of the greatest descriptions of this comes from Author and Pastor Joshua Harris in his book Boy Meets Girl: “People do not fall in love, rather they grow into love.”
Christians should be mindful of these things when going into dating relationships. They need to remember that sex was meant for a much higher purpose than gratification or to try something new. I also think that Christians should not merely be taught to abstain from sex until in a lasting, committed, marital relationship; Christians also need to know why they are being taught to abstain. In my opinion the reason that many young Christians eventually falter and have premarital sex is because they do not have a solid foundation for their belief in abstinence.
The Greek word used for love in 1 Corinthians 13 is “agape,” which is a general but genuine love for others. Christians are called in this passage to love everyone in the world by showing the fruits of the Spirit. This includes dating relationships. The love in dating is “agape” - it is about getting to know the goods and bads of a person, and accepting them as they are. The next step is deep affection - that desire that makes one’s heart ache for that special person. Then, finally, that last step is intimacy (which is still not a synonym for sex). Dating, in my opinion, only covers the first two kinds of love. When both individuals begin feeling non-sexual intimate feelings toward each other, it is time to get engaged, and soon after that to get married.
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