“Maowage is the bond that bwings us togetha today,” said the priest in the movie The Princess Bride. Marriage, in my opinion, can be defined only as the sacred bond between a man and a woman. In the Bible, it is plain to see that marriage is not only meant to bring man and woman together and complete them, it is also a symbol of the loving relationship between Christ and His bride, the Church. Marriage is definitely sacred, but that does not mean that it should be treated as something strictly defined.

For instance, one of the fairly recent phenomena of our age is the degradation of marriage. This is due to many things - like the sexual revolution of the 1960’s and 70’s and the media’s constant devaluing comments - but is in large part due to society’s view that marriage is dull, unexciting, and monotonous. And perhaps it is all those things, but not so much due to Christianity or the Church.

Remarkably, the Bible gives very few, vague references to what marriage should look like. Jesus commands once that husbands should love their wives, and that wives should submit to their husbands. Another instance, Jesus says that husbands should give themselves up for their wives and that wives should give their husbands the leadership of the relationship. The Bible leaves a huge hole where one might expect to find the guidelines for marriage. That leads me to believe that marriage, as long as it fits into the loose frame the Bible gives, can be defined however couples want it to be. Get married at any age that seems right, use birth control, have any kind of consensual sex, have any amount of children you collectively want to raise, adopt children, get tattoos of each other’s names on your backs, elope, get married in space, go to nightclubs together, drink alcoholic beverages, get matching eyebrow rings, stay up late watching movies, text message each other constantly, go on extravagant and romantic dates - all of these things should be left up to each individual married couple to decide as right or wrong for them.

After all, what place in the Bible could a fellow believer point to and say “It says right here that you should not do this, so you shouldn’t do it”?

Marriage is a blank slate, and I believe it is part of the excitement that God wants each married couple to experience to define their marriage however they want. They should not feel that they have to live out their married lives exactly how their parents did or how their married friends do or how their mentors do.

I believe that if everyone had this open-yet-Biblically-minded view of marriage, this special bond would not be held in such low societal regard today.

Scenarios

Let me present a scenario for the guys:

Imagine - you're sitting on the couch with your girlfriend or wife, watching a movie at night. It's late, long past the time when good things can still happen. All the lamps are turned off, the only light in the room is the cold glow of the television, illumination the room with a thin layer of definition. Shadows dance on the walls as the screen flashes. The lovely girl next to you is lying on your arm, softly breathing as you gently scratch her back.

But as you look down, you realize she is asleep. And your heart slightly sinks. Her sleeping is a sharp reminder that you will not be getting your sexual fix any time soon. And even if she was awake, she probably would not be in the mood, she'd probaby be tired, she'd probably not want to do it tonight anyway. And even if you did manage to convince her to fool around with you, the sex would be dull, unexciting, and would surely not feel intimate or romantic.

So what do you do?

A. Let her sleep and enjoy the movie.

B. Wake her up and remind her that you have needs (and probably piss her off)

C. Find an easier and quicker outlet for your sexual pleasure

Let me present another scenario:

Imagine - you're sitting in the living room of your house, watching television late at night. All the rest of your family has gone to bed, but you sit awake, vigilantly watching the late show. As it draws to an end, you flip the around, looking for a new show to watch, coming across some kind of softcore show featuring attractive women who are willing to fornicate with each other in front of the cameras. It looks enticing in a kinky kind of way (plus you might be wondering how women even do it with each other anyway), so you switch the channel to that station.

What you see there is sexy, to say the least. The girls are slim, perfect-bodied little things. Your heartbeat quickens, your breathing gets deeper, a sensation sweeps inside you that you can't quite explain other than that you like it. You feel like you're being transported into another world, a much better and more exciting world than the one you are in now.

But then the show ends, and you're left watching some workout infomercial that does not turn you on nearly as much as the previous program. The sensation you feel is not gone, it did not end with the show.

So what do you do?

A. Shake it off, wait out the sensation, then go to bed

B. Go eat, or try watching a movie, or maybe watch the late late show

C. go to your computer, where you know you can find stuff way hotter than the stuff on TV.

What would be anyone's first and only natural response to these situations?

Welcome

Welcome to SexHungry - where I write my thoughts about human sexuality, Porn, dating, and what it means to be human.

We are all sex hungry, aren't we? Humans are one of the most sexual creatures on the planet. We are the only mammals that have sex face to face. We are the only creatures with the distinct and definite ability and yearning to hold monogamous relationships.

So that means we are more than sex hungry, right? Yes, we must be. Humans are relational creatures. That should be undisputed among thinking people. It is our nature to want friends, significant others, and ultimately partners (mates). It is also in our nature to love, and be loved; to care for others, and want to be cared for; to desire someone sexually, and be sexually desired; to hold hands - symbolizing equal affection and desire for one another.

We all long for that, don't we? Yes, we do! But a new idea has emerged and has been growing since the sexual revolution of the 1960's and 70's. That is the idea of porn - the place where sex is always easy and exciting. In fact, many men and women today would say that it is far easier and more exciting than real sex. Some people even take porn into their sex lives, which is a profound insult to the person who sleeps with the user.

I want to talk about love, and about how sex and love are two different things. That is, sex is only a part of love. There are obviously stages to love. First, there is friendship. Then, there is acceptance of the goods and bads of that friend. Then there is companionship. Then, there is intimacy (which is still not a synonym of sex). Sex is the climax of a loving relationship. It is the highest expression of love that two people can show each other.

Sexual needs can be used positively, poured solely into a single other person. Or, they can be dispersed to be gratified by two people, multiple people, or even a flurry of new people for each new sexual urge. This is what porn offers - a way to gratify a person's sexual needs without really fulfilling their desire to love or be loved. This is why porn always leaves people feeling empty.

The excitement and pleasure of porn is short-lived, but the security, delight and passion of a real, committed, romantic, loving relationship far surpasses the temporary high that porn gives.

I want to talk about love some more, and about hope, freedom, and the limitless human sexual expression within a real, committed, loving relationship.